Since the day we arrived in Sikkim I have been haunted by this question: what the heck are we doing here? Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and find myself thinking about it. When I sit and write emails to Laila I find myself asking myself (and her) the same question. Sometimes I have an answer, but more often than not it is a rhetorical question, meant to represent my inability to see to the other side of this experiment, nor to see what we will have taken away from the experience. Last night I found myself asking it again as we were coming home from a lovely dinner out.
This time I believe I was asking it for a different reason. As we were climbing the steps to the taxi stand, life felt no different than it would have if we had been at home. I think maybe we have truly arrived. "What are we doing here?" I asked it then because I could feel us being ourselves -- happy, grumpy, bored, at peace, safe -- at that point in time and in general for longer and longer periods of time every day. Partly, we have adjusted to our new surroundings so that less and less often we are surprised or upset by what we see. Partly I think all three of us has come to have a level of acceptance for what life can be here in Sikkim for us.
This time I believe I was asking it for a different reason. As we were climbing the steps to the taxi stand, life felt no different than it would have if we had been at home. I think maybe we have truly arrived. "What are we doing here?" I asked it then because I could feel us being ourselves -- happy, grumpy, bored, at peace, safe -- at that point in time and in general for longer and longer periods of time every day. Partly, we have adjusted to our new surroundings so that less and less often we are surprised or upset by what we see. Partly I think all three of us has come to have a level of acceptance for what life can be here in Sikkim for us.
Asking, “what are we doing here?”, opens up such important self reflective journeys of thought. It turns the attention to a quality of being in the world and the meaning of being here. It awakens you from the dream of task after task, pointing instead to the fundimental questions of how do I want to live this life? What is meaningful? Who am I in relation to these other beings?
ReplyDeleteWhen we stay in our comfort zone, we can often avoid these questions. Familiarity and predictability can lull us into a routine that keeps us from experiencing the vitality and possibility of a full life.
You had the courage to take yourself and your daughters out of the comfort zone and although its been challenging in many ways, I’m sure that these existential questions are stirring in each of you. Even in Grace and Corrina aren’t discussing the meaning of life around the breakfast table, you know that seeds have been planted as they have had this opportunity to experience such a different way of life.
Ditto to everything Shannon wrote. All of us should be asking those questions periodically, wherever we are. Of course, the other side is not allowing space for contentment. Tonight you were at the sweet spot of asking and being content.
ReplyDeleteI agree. These are the questions we should ask all the time. Here on Cape Ann. Or in Sikkim.
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